Q: Our Forum has a few social events each year outside of our meetings (dinners, cocktail hours, that kind of thing). Historically, we’ve just split the bill evenly. Last year, we gained a new member who doesn’t drink. While we all, of course, support their sobriety, the rest of us do enjoy a cocktail or glass of wine on social occasions. The new person hasn’t complained about pitching in for the alcohol the rest of us drink, but I’m wondering if it’s more fair for us to remove that from the bill since drinks are pricey. Any advice?
A: First, it’s wonderful that you’re proactively considering the member’s feelings! It shows that you’re working to help them feel welcome in the Forum.
There are a few possible ways to handle this. Here are some ideas that I’ve seen work in different Forums over the years:
1. Ask the waitstaff at dinner to put the alcohol for your table on a separate check.
2. If you’re going to a bar for a cocktail hour, everyone opens their own tab.
3. The members who do want alcohol can put some money into a “kitty” which will pay for the booze portion of the check.
In my experience, it’s been helpful for the Moderator or the New Member Buddy to have a side conversation with the member who doesn’t drink. When people—especially new Forum members who are just getting their footing—feel seen and understood, relationships and connections can flourish.
Hope this helps!