Saying goodbye to a Forum member is never easy. Hopefully, the member is leaving on good terms—but regardless of the situation and reason for the member’s exit, the Moderator will need to take steps to make sure the departure doesn’t derail the Forum.
When a member leaves, the rest of the members transition into a new Forum experience. In addition to the new group dynamic, the roles may need to be reassigned or adjusted. Here, we’ve outlined the processes for a smooth transition to the new Forum when a member exits.
The Process for a Member Leaving on Good Terms
For many EO, YPO, Independent, and Spousal Forum members, the decision to exit their Forum is an incredibly difficult one. Strong, healthy, and long-tenured Forums create deep and meaningful bonds, and it’s very hard to walk away from the support, confidentiality, and friendships the Forum provides.
As people grow, age, and evolve, sometimes saying goodbye to the Forum is ultimately the right decision. Perhaps a Forum member is relocating, preparing for retirement, or exiting their business. Whatever their reason for leaving the group, there’s a process that the departing member and the Forum Moderator should follow for a smooth and graceful transition.
Communication
The lines of communication must be wide open when a Forum member leaves. Ideally, the departing member will contact the Moderator to discuss their situation confidentially. This isn’t only proactive and transparent—it’s also a courtesy to the Moderator.
With advanced notice, the Moderator will have time to contemplate the member’s departure and the possible impact on the rest of the Forum. It also allows the Moderator and the departing member to think about the best way to break the news to the rest of the group.
Letting the rest of the Forum know about the member’s decision is best done in person at a Forum meeting. Ideally, this will happen one or two months before the departure, rather than the group arriving at a regularly scheduled meeting and being blindsided by the announcement that it will be their last one together.
The Actual Goodbye
In some cases, waiting until the next in-person meeting isn’t possible (for example, when a Forum takes the summers off, and they won’t all be together for a few months). Here, the Moderator and the departing member might agree that the best communication method is a personal call or meeting with the other individuals.
If the decision is for the departing member to contact everyone prior to the next meeting, be sure they contact each member personally. This avoids hurting the feelings of anyone omitted. Note that an email, text, or voicemail is not an appropriate way to say goodbye. The news may well be a bombshell to the rest of the group, and it warrants a live conversation.
In-person goodbyes are usually done one of two ways:
- The departing member attends the beginning of the meeting, says their goodbyes, gives their hugs, and then leaves.
- The departing member gives a final presentation to discuss what’s next in their life. This provides a glimpse into their mindset and decision-making process and lets the rest of the Forum celebrate their next chapter.
With in-person goodbyes, the person who’s leaving might want to take time to thank each member of the Forum, perhaps going around the room and saying something about how every member positively impacted them. The Forum might reciprocate, so everyone else can say something they learned from or appreciate about the departing member.
Forum goodbyes are usually emotional and sometimes come with gifts. For example, in one Forum, the departing member gifted his Forum mates a beautiful, hand-carved wooden kaleidoscope. He explained that his gift symbolized that the Forum had helped him to see his life from new perspectives, just as a kaleidoscope lets the viewer see the beauty in simple things reflected from multiple viewpoints.
After the Goodbye
Because of the deep bonds that Forums foster, a departing member’s “goodbye” is not “goodbye forever”. It’s common for Forums to stay in touch with the people who’ve left. Keep in mind, though, that former members are not privy to confidential information discussed during subsequent Forum meetings or retreats.
In the spirit of keeping in touch, some Forums like to have an annual reunion. They invite prior members and their spouses to a social dinner to catch up and stroll down memory lane. It’s a great way to nurture the friendships and stay informed about what’s been happening in everyone’s lives.
How to Handle a Contentious Departure
Unfortunately, not all Forum goodbyes are positive. Sometimes there’s conflict that just can’t be resolved, or perhaps someone has been voted out by the rest of the Forum. When this happens, the process is much different than when a member leaves on positive terms.
Each situation is unique, though contentious departures usually fall into one of two categories:
- A member has a personality conflict with one or more of the other members.
- A member is unhappy with the Forum itself. Perhaps they feel they don’t get value out of their experience, or they disagree with how the Forum operates.
In both cases, the departing member and/or the Forum feel that resolution is not possible, and that the departure is in the best interest of the individual and the group. Due to the tension and discomfort, it’s generally not a good idea to have the departing member attend a last meeting to say goodbye.
When a member departs on negative terms, the Forum will look to the Moderator for their strength and leadership. The Moderator’s first step will be to determine the source of the conflict and the level of emotions involved. For example, a member might approach the Moderator regarding an irreconcilable conflict with another member. Based on the circumstances, the Moderator will determine the next steps.
Another example involves the majority of the Forum being unable, despite great effort, to trust or appreciate a specific member. Here, it’s incumbent upon the Moderator to manage the communication with the departing member and coordinate their exit from the Forum.
One of the Moderator’s first steps will be to decide whether to let the rest of the Forum know about the exit before or during the next meeting. This decision might be made for the Moderator if the departing member has already notified the group.
When possible, it’s helpful for the Moderator or Moderator Elect to hold an exit interview with the departing member. This provides closure and lets the departing member feel heard, potentially providing valuable feedback.
What to Do After the Member has Departed the Forum
As the Moderator, your job isn’t quite done after you’ve facilitated the departing member’s exit. For starters, it’s healthy to debrief with the group. After all, it’s a brand-new Forum now.
First, remind the entire Forum that confidentiality is forever, and that the former member’s private or sensitive information is not to be shared with new members. Then, foster an open, honest, and productive conversation about the departure, regardless of whether they left on good or bad terms. Here are some talking points to get you started:
- How is everyone feeling now that the member has left?
- Who will fill the Forum role vacated by the member (e.g., Treasurer, Retreat Planner, Parking Lot Attendant, etc.)?
- Do we want to bring in a new Forum member, or do we feel our group is whole as-is?
Sometimes, Forums decide to plan a mini retreat where they spend a full day together to regroup after a member has left. This can serve as a healthy reset that helps the members get closure and move on to the next chapter in their Forum.
There’s one final to-do that the Moderator needs to check off their list once a member has left the Forum: contact the Chapter Forum Chair or Director to inform them that someone has left. The Chapter may request written documentation, but keep in mind that confidentiality cannot be broken.
We’re Here to Help and Support You When You Have to Say Goodbye to a Forum Member
Collectively, our ForumSherpa Certified Facilitators have over a century’s worth of Forum experience. We’ve been through the process of saying goodbye to a Forum member on both positive and negative terms, and we’re here to provide support and guidance as your members manage the departure and the transition to a brand-new Forum.
Contact us today for a consultation and resources that will help your new Forum thrive!
Written by Britt Spread